Snotrockets in Tandem

 

Another well pitched Madison Bumgarner game with few snotrockets. Only two, in fact. What is going on here Mr. Bumgarner? Why you no blow snot anymore? We’re so glad to have you back pitching again but we want you snotrocketing too. We miss the mucus.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Sunday, July 30, 2017 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (ew):

 

  • ND, 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, 2 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. L, 0 vs. R, 2 other. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were  the 1st and 6th in which he blew 1 snotrocket per inning.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 33 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

If there’s a Madison Bumgarner snotrocket a blowin’ then you know @SanDiegoGiants is on it. One of Bumgarner’s two snotrockets tonight was a double and first up is the left nostril:

 

And then the right nostril:

 

Because Madison’s snotrockets have all but dried up and disappeared his snotrocket screencapper had to make do with other Bumgarner doings. Here’s an exciting shot of Madison Bumgarner after he singled in the top of the 6th:

 

This game was running low on snotrockets so @SanDiegoGiants did us all a favor and created a Bumgarner loogie gif:

 

Madison Bumgarner’s reaction after striking out Yasiel Puig:

 

Bumgarner’s pitch face is the best:

 

Madison Bumgarner in the bottom of the 9th inning, ready for the bullpen to save his second win of the season:

 

Madison Bumgarner in the top of the 10th inning after the Giants bullpen gave him another no-decision:

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Friday, August 4th, 2017 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Sophomore Snotrockets

 

Madison Bumgarner’s second big league appearance came in a blowout game vs. the Dodgers in September 2009. Blowout for the Dodgers that is, as the San Francisco Giants lost to the Dodgers by a score of 1-12. Yuck. Bumgarner only pitched one inning but managed to get in one snotrocket in his brief appearance:

 

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Saturday, September 19, 2009 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers:

 

  • ND, 1.0 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R, 0 ER, 2 K, 1 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 0 vs. righties, 0 other.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 8 SNR in the 2009 season.

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next appearance was Tuesday, September 22, 2009 on the road vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks. Tune in either here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Glorious Snotrockets

 

The San Francisco Giants did many fine things tonight. They scored 9 runs and pummeled the Dodgers (ew). They stayed 1 game ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals in the race for the second Wild Card spot. Buster Posey and Angel Pagan took down two idiots who ran onto the field. And God er I mean Madison Bumgarner blew snotrockets, hit a two run double and won the game. Oh and this also happened:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-tweet-100-wins

 

Very cool and congratulations Mr. Bumgarner!

Obvious tweet is obvious:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-tweet-my-hero

 

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Friday, Sept. 30, 2016 at home vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (ew):

  • W, 7.1 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, 0 HR, 9 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 2 vs. righties, 7 other. 1 pre-game SNR. 1 at-bat SNR. 1 glove SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 7th in which he blew 3 snotrockets.
  • Bumgarner finishes the 2016 regular season with 233 snotrockets.

 

Bumgarner’s regular snotrocket screencapper  @SanDiegoGiants was on assignment Friday night so his partner in crime @iamjerklord filled in for him and did such an admirable job that:

 

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-tweet-wally-pipp

 

First snotrocket of the game:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-1

 

Sly and tied snotrocket in the top of the 2nd inning:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-2

 

Very rare and sure to be a collector’s item – the only known split screen snotrocket screencap in existence, with Bumgarner blowing a snotrocket while sharing the screen with the Dodger’s Yasiel Puig (ew):

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-3-split-screen-puig

 

Classic front-facing nose bender of a snotrocket:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-4

 

Slick snotrocket in the bottom of the 4th inning:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-5-tweet

 

Another at-bat snotrocket, this time in the bottom of the 6th inning:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-6

 

Top of the 7th and leading by 6 runs snotrocket:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-7

 

Grab some pine Puig, you just got snotrocketed:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-8-tweet

 

Snotblock in the bottom of the 7th:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-9-tweet

 

Bonus Bumgarner screencaps – I always want Bumgarner loogie edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-loogie-tweet

 

Exciting hand blow edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-hand-blow

 

Bat kiss edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-bat-kiss

 

Crotch action edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-crotch-action-tweet

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-crotch-action-tweet-1

 

Nose wipe edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-nose-wipe

 

Loogie in two parts edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-loogie-1-tweet

 

Loogie closeups because you know you want them. First the bubble:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-loogie-1-globule

 

And then the spray:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-loogie-1-spray

 

Bumgarner hits a double, drives in 2 runs and is STOKED edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-hit-double

 

When Bumgarner comes out of the game and you absolutely need to show your appreciation edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-tweet-standing-ovation

 

Take heed of my tweet edition:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-30-tweet-zero-patience-negative-tweets

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be…? At this time it’s still not 100% certain that the Giants will be appearing in the postseason. We’ll find out in the next couple of days. In the meantime stay strong, support our Giants and most of all give thanks that Madison Bumgarner exists.

Don’t Look At My Snotrockets

 

I had another blog post all prepared where I wrote a couple of lighthearted remarks about the game but I deleted all of that after the 9th inning because I just don’t have the heart to post it now. The Giants bullpen blew yet another save opportunity in the 9th inning in Monday’s game and in doing so they threw away a beautifully pitched game by Madison Bumgarner. Unforgivable. Also, Giants 3rd baseman Eduardo Núñez scratched and clawed and belly-flopped his way around the bases to score the Giants only run. And he scored that run on a wild pitch. So all that effort by Núñez and Bumgarner was wasted because the Giants bullpen just can’t get it done anymore. Giants manager Bruce Bochy can’t get it done anymore. His golden touch has turned to lead. The game that started out so wonderfully ended up a horrific nightmare that may take me years to recover from.  Prophetic tweet:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-bullpen

Hahahaha yeah right

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-three-outs

 

Tension builds:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-radio-bathroom

 

Then the bottom of the 9th inning happened. Twitter meltdown ensues:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-fuck-the-bullpen………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-you-make-me-sick………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-positive-tweets

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-bullpen-excuses

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-fuck-everybody

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Monday, September 19, 2016 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (ew):

 

  • ND, 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 BB, 0 R, 0 ER, 10 K, 4 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 1 vs. righties, 2 other. 1 dugout SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 2nd, 5th and 6th in which he blew 1 snotrocket per inning.
  • Bumgarner now with 218 snotrockets in the 2016 season.

 

Fortunately for all of us Bumgarner snotrocket enthusiasts @SanDiegoGiants was hard at work during last night’s game, capturing snotrockets and tweeting them out. Snotrocket in the second inning:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19

 

Top of the 5th snotrocket:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-1

 

Strength and excellence:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-2-tweet

 

Bonus Bumgarner screencap – his cup runneth over:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-cup-twitching

 

Of course it wouldn’t be a Giants vs. Dodgers (ew) game without some blood boiling and tempers flaring. It started innocently enough with Yasiel Puig (ew) grounding out in the bottom of the 7th. Bumgarner fielded the ball, flipped it to Belt who made the out at 1st. No problem. Except there was:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-espn-dont-look-at-me

 

You heard Bumgarner. Don’t look at him:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-mcculloughtimes-dont-look-at-me

 

I can’t embed videos in this blog without paying exorbitant fees so if you want to see what happened click on these orange words for MLB’s official video of the incident.

Also do yourself a favor and click on this to hear Vin Scully’s description of the Bumgarner-Puig incident.

I just hope Bumgarner doesn’t shave his head:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-brooksknudsen-travis-bickle

 

You heard what Bumgarner said, Puig. Why you still looking at him?

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-puig-dont-look-at-me

 

In this photo Puig is on the far left and Bumgarner in the middle of the crowd on the far right:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-puig-dont-look-at-me-fight

 

The above photo is especially noteworthy because:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-vegasjoe680-contain

 

This photo is the only thing I like about the Giants bullpen:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-bullpen-1

 

Of course I had no problem with any of this:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-love-bumgarner

 

I need for this to happen:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-dont-look-at-me-shirt

 

Before I forget I wanted to include this incredible work of art. Giants fan @IAmJerklord made this a while ago but it came in handy during last night’s game. Saturn Bumgarner devouring Puig:

giants-bumgarner-devouring-puig-saturn-iamjerklord

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Saturday, September 24, 2016 on the road vs. the San Diego Padres. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

One last thing:

giants-bumgarner-snotrocket-2016-09-19-tweet-fl-dont-even-talk

Spider 2 Y Banana Snotrockets

 

Sometimes San Francisco Giants broadcaster Mike Krukow says things that I don’t understand:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Spider 2 Y Banana

 

I was afraid I was hallucinating but it wasn’t just me:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Spider 2 Y Banana-1

 

Eventually I made Google my friend:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Spider 2 Y Banana-2

 

Later on Madison came up to bat with runners on base:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Spider 2 Y Banana-3

 

 

But no West Coast offense play was necessary as Bumgarner struck out. Sigh.

Also, this is what comes up when you Google ‘spider 2 y banana‘:

Gruden-Spider 2 Y Banana

 

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, August 23, 2016 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (eeuuww):

 

  • L, 5.0 IP, 9 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, 1 HR, 5 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 2 vs. righties, 2 other. 1 double pump SNR. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 1st in which he blew 2 snotrockets.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 196 snotrockets in the 2016 season.

 

America’s premier snotrocket screencapper @SanDiegoGiants didn’t let yet another Giants loss affect him. He was hard at work tonight, capturing Bumgarner’s essence for all to treasure. Impressionistic snotrocket from the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Blurry-Tweet

 

Also in the 1st inning – a rare double pump snotrocket (2 blows, one nostril). First pump:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Double Pump-1

 

And the second pump:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Double Pump-2

 

Bottom of the 3rd all tied up snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-1-Tweet

 

Bottom of the 4th snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-2

 

Bonus Bumgarner screencap – wedgie pick edition:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Wedgie Pick

 

It just wasn’t Mr. Bumgarner’s night, pitching-wise. But that’s all right because we had snotrockets and another personal favorite – MadBum fury:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Yells

 

You know what I don’t love though? That team in Chavez Latrine:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Holy Water-Linda Blair

 

I don’t take losing to the Dodgers very well:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Color Blue

 

Really don’t take it well at all:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-08-23-Tweet-FL-Blue Clothing

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Sunday, August 28, 2016 at home vs. the Atlanta Braves. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Defenseless Snotrockets

 

Not Madison Bumgarner’s night. Not the San Francisco Giants night. And definitely not the Giants defense’s (defense? defense’s? defensivenesslessnessess?) night as they made 3 errors behind Bumgarner. Feh.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Friday, April 15, 2016 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (eeuuwww):

 

  • L, 5.0 IP, 8 H, 7 R, 4 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, 2 HR, 9 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 4 vs. righties, 4 other. 1 double SNR. 1 at-bat SNR. 2 dugout SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 4th in which he blew 4 snotrockets.
  • Bumgarner now with 30 snotrockets in the 2016 season.

 

With no victory, few runs and some ugly defense the snotrockets are the only joy that we can take away from tonight’s game. Fortunately for us @SanDiegoGiants made no errors in his snotrocket screencapping and came up with some good ones. Here’s a snotrocket from the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15

 

Close up snotrocket from the same inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15-1

 

Giants 1 – Chavez Latrine Boys 2 snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15-2

 

Gratuitous ear dig tweet and pic:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15-Ear Dig

 

Bumgarner vents his feelings about his teammates defensive woes and lays down a double snotrocket. First the left nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15-3

 

Bumgarner still venting, this time out of his right nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2016-04-15-4

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be next Wednesday, April 20th, 2016 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Despairing Snotrockets

 

DODGERS CAN SUCK ALL THE SNOTROCKETS LOUSY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING DISGUSTING DESPICABLE DEMONIC DEMENTED DEPRAVED DETESTABLE DEVIANT DODGERS I HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH

As you might guess last night’s San Francisco Giants game did not go well. Madison Bumgarner was not his usual Madison Bumgarner self and had a not so good game. Meaning the Doyers won the National League Western Division and eliminated the Giants from postseason play Tuesday night. In San Francisco. On the Giants home turf. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH.

I need to stop thinking about it or I’ll burst a couple of blood vessels. I know what makes for a soothing time. Snotrockets. Madison Bumgarner’s snotrockets. Think about the snotrockets and things will be all better ohhhh yesssss…[stares glassy-eyed into space]

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, September 29, 2015 at home vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (EEEEEUUUUUWWWWW)

 

L, 5.2 IP, 5 H, 4 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, 3 HR, 11 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 6 vs. righties, 4 other. 3 pre-game SNR. 5 glove SNR.

Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 1st in which he blew 5 snotrockets.

Bumgarner now with 40 snotrockets vs. the Dodgers and 279 snotrockets overall in 2015.

 

For what may have been the last time in 2015 Svengoolie disciple and snotrocket screencapper @SanDiegoGiants produced some quality Bumgarner snotrocket screencaps last night. Here’s one from the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-09-29

 

Second inning snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-09-29-1

 

Hidden snotrocket from the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-09-29-2

 

Ominous portent of things to come: everyone turning away from the snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-09-29-3

 

Always a crowd pleaser: the patented Bumgarner glove snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-09-29-4

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be…??? It could be this Sunday, October 4, 2015 at home vs. the Colorado Rockies. Or it could be next spring. Tune in this Sunday, here or on Twitter, for all the exciting snotrocket action. Maybe.

DASTARDLY DEPLORABLE DEFORMED DISEASED DIRTY DODGERS SERENITY NOW