Screech Vs. The Snotrocketer

 

No Madison Bumgarner snotrockets to share in this blog post, just a wonderful gif I came across recently. It was made last year by @SanDiegoGiants of the time Bumgarner pitched against the Nationals in Washington D.C. and the Nats’ mascot Screech did a masterful troll job of Bum when he was taking his cuts in the on deck circle:

 

Madison Bumgarner is scheduled to pitch this Sunday, August 20, 2017 at home vs. the Philadelphia Phillies. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action.

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Snitcher Snotrockets

 

Someone tattled on me. Someone told Madison Bumgarner about this snotrocket blog. I’m almost certain of it. Someone had to have said to him, “Hey did you know there’s some weirdo out there that tallies the number of times you blow a snotrocket in a game? And oh by the way she also takes note whenever you hock a loogie, twitch your cup and unpick a wedgie?” Because how else can you explain the sudden paucity of mucus? Plus everything else. As far as the snotrockets are concerned I’m pretty sure it’s not the result of any allergy medications because I can still tell just by watching him Bumgarner’s producing plenty of mucus out there on the mound. I study that boy like a hawk when he pitches and lately instead of producing snotrockets and loogies Bumgarner has been sucking down the mucus and swallowing them instead. I told you I watch him closely and you’re welcome. He’s also still rubbing his nose on his glove and sleeve a lot so I know the snotrockets are itching to come busting out of that nose but Bumgarner’s suppressing them and that’s just not right. It’s unnatural to suppress the natural. Release the snot.

And suddenly there’s so fewer cup twitches too. Also I can’t remember the last time I saw Bumgarner pick at the seat of his pants. All that colorfulness, gone. Why? Why did you snitch, you snitcher? Why would you want to make Madison Bumgarner feel ashamed about being Madison Bumgarner? People love his snotrockets. They’re fun. A part of his country boy charm. An essential component of his Madison Bumgarner-ness. Whoever finked on me please make it right. Go back to Bumgarner and tell him his fans love him and his snotrockets. We want them both. They go together, like peanut butter and jelly. Pork and beans. Socks and shoes. Bumgarner and snotrockets. They’re a pair that should never be separated. Together always.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, August 15, 2017 on the road vs. the Miami Marlins:

 

  • W, 6.0 IP, 9 H, 4 R, 4 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, 2 HR, 0 SNR (snotrockets). 0 vs. lefties, 0 vs. righties, 0 other.
  • Madison Bumgarner still with 36 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be this Sunday, August 20, 2017 at home vs. the Philadelphia Phillies. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action. And please dear God let there be some.

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Hey, Snotrockets!

 

So it turns out my fears that Madison Bumgarner’s snotrockets were gone for good were all for naught because in yesterday’s game we had Bumgarner mucus and not just loogies. There were actual, real, honest-to-god snotrockets. Can I just insert a YAY here? Also a PHEW?

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Wednesday, August 9, 2017 at home vs. the Chicago Cubs:

 

  • W, 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, 1 HR, 3 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 3 vs. righties, 0 other.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 3rd, 4th and 6th in which he blew 1 snotrocket per inning.
  • Bumgarner now with 36 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

Filling in for Bumgarner’s regular snotrocket screencapper @SanDiegoGiants was the enterprising @iamjerklord. The first snotrocket of the game occurred at 1:26 PM in the 3rd inning:

 

Second Bumgarner snotrocket happened in the 4th inning at 1:46 PM:

 

Followed by an exciting after wipe:

 

The third and final snotrocket of the game was also followed by an after wipe. First up of course is the snotrocket:

 

And the after wipe, this time with the fingers and not the sleeve:

 

Just look at that smushed nose action. Beautiful.

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Tuesday, August 15, 2017 on the road vs. the Miami Marlins. See you here or on Twitter (but probably here the day after the game) for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action.

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Aught Snotrockets

 

Something terrible happened last Friday. Madison Bumgarner pitched and blew no snotrockets. This has happened before but it’s rare. When it does happen I just don’t feel right. Nothing feels right. Food doesn’t taste good. I can’t fall asleep at night. My skin crawls and my hair itches. What I’m saying is, it’s just not right for Bumgarner to pitch in a game and not blow snot. It’s like a crime against nature. Abnormal. Wrong. Bad. Please bring back your snotrockets Mr. Bumgarner or else I’ve got no reason to live.

Even though there were no snotrockets in last Friday’s game here are your game totals anyway for Friday, August 4, 2017 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks:

 

  • L, 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 BB, 2 R, 2 E, 7 K, 1 HBP, 0 SNR (snotrockets).
  • Madison Bumgarner had no prolific innings because he blew no snotrockets.
  • Bumgarner still holding at 33 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

A Bumgarner game without snotrockets is like french fries without salt. Unpalatable and evil. Let us forget that this game ever happened.

Madison Bumgarner’s next start after this unmentionable one was today, Wednesday August 9, 2017 at home vs. the Chicago Cubs. See you here probably tomorrow for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action.

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Musty Snotrockets

Tonight Madison Bumgarner pitches at home in San Francisco against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Normally I would be watching the televised game and live-tweeting the snotrockets. However, I am so sorry but due to circumstances beyond my control I will not be able to do this tonight. Don’t Panik panic though; I will definitely be watching this game in a few days and tallying all the Bumgarner snotrockets blown. I will always tally Bumgarner’s snotrockets – this I vow. If I were on my death bed I’d still find a way. So okay, they won’t be fresh snotrockets. But aren’t stale, musty Bumgarner snotrockets better than no Bumgarner snotrockets at all? I think so. Anyway, tune in to this blog in a few days for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action.

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Snotrockets in Tandem

 

Another well pitched Madison Bumgarner game with few snotrockets. Only two, in fact. What is going on here Mr. Bumgarner? Why you no blow snot anymore? We’re so glad to have you back pitching again but we want you snotrocketing too. We miss the mucus.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Sunday, July 30, 2017 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (ew):

 

  • ND, 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, 2 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. L, 0 vs. R, 2 other. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were¬† the 1st and 6th in which he blew 1 snotrocket per inning.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 33 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

If there’s a Madison Bumgarner snotrocket a blowin’ then you know @SanDiegoGiants is on it. One of Bumgarner’s two snotrockets tonight was a double and first up is the left nostril:

 

And then the right nostril:

 

Because Madison’s snotrockets have all but dried up and disappeared his snotrocket screencapper had to make do with other Bumgarner doings. Here’s an exciting shot of Madison Bumgarner after he singled in the top of the 6th:

 

This game was running low on snotrockets so @SanDiegoGiants did us all a favor and created a Bumgarner loogie gif:

 

Madison Bumgarner’s reaction after striking out Yasiel Puig:

 

Bumgarner’s pitch face is the best:

 

Madison Bumgarner in the bottom of the 9th inning, ready for the bullpen to save his second win of the season:

 

Madison Bumgarner in the top of the 10th inning after the Giants bullpen gave him another no-decision:

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Friday, August 4th, 2017 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

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Winning Snotrockets

 

Let it be known to all and sundry that on July 25, 2017 Madison Kyle Bumgarner finally, finally got his first win of the year. Of course it has been a dirt bike-shortened year so he didn’t have his usual amount of starts but on the other hand the Giants have given him such pitiful run support in the games he has started this season that I was beginning to worry that Bumgarner would go 0 for 2017. Worry no more because Mr. Bumgarner is now the proud owner of at least one win this season. Take that, dirt bike.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, July 25, 2017 at home vs. the Pittsburgh Pirates:

 

  • W, 5.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, 0 HR, 3 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 1 vs. righties, 2 other. 1 pre-game SNR. 1 at-bat SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 1st, 2nd and 5th in which he blew one snotrocket per inning.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 31 snotrockets in the 2017 season.

 

Bumgarner’s usual snotrocket screencapper @SanDiegoGiants was on non-snotrocket assignment but not to worry because his trusty sidekick @iamjerklord filled in at the last second and did an admirable job of capturing the mucus. First snotrocket screencap of the night was a beauty:

 

After you get a Bumgarner snotrocket you sometimes get one of these too:

 

Ominous beginning to the game however:

New dessert, who wants a slice:

 

Casey no I mean snotrocket at the bat in the 2nd inning:

 

Shy glove wipe in the top of the 4th inning:

 

Up close and personal:

 

I added a little something to the nose closeup:

 

But Bumgarner’s substitute snotrocket screencapper went one better:

 

Extreme gross closeup of an extremely gross closeup:

 

By the 5th inning of last night’s game the Giants had scored 10 runs and Madison Bumgarner expressed his surprise and delight thusly:

 

Birth of a loogie:

 

When Madison Bumgarner smiles we are all the better for it:

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Monday, July 31, 2017 on the road vs. the Oakland Athletics. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting Bumgarner snotrocket action.

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